the gift and curse of having multiple blogs

03 May, 2025

My first May post in Bearblog. It's been a few days since I've been in here, and to be honest, I miss it.

I guess I'm a sucker for having multiple blogs. Multiple places to write. Multiple parts of me that can be expressed and live in perpetuity in a digital home.

Each blog, each digital home, feels different. It's the difference between visiting the beach on a hot summer day, to visiting the beach in the winter with the cold wind whipping against your face.

Or enjoying a nice cabin weekend in the mountains, the stream offering a pleasant, fresh smell, and not too far, a scene of squirrels scavenging and chittering away.

Even sometimes teleporting back into my childhood home, in the room that I grew up in, where I had dreams that I barely allowed myself to dream, when everything in the world seemed so small and impossible.

Each blog transforms into its own special hub, one where there are sets of portals my curiosity can't help but walk through. Fairy dust and magick all real and at play, as I venture blindly into a new landscape, orchestrated by the blog's environment mixed with the emotions of the day.

Approaching each blog post has been a gift, a rarity, just like scribbling on a piece of paper, doodling with no-mind, breath held in anticipation to see what comes out. That's how I've approached my blogs, leaning into my heart space and extracting whatever words hum out of it.

Some days, they are singing praise for the glory of being alive. Other times, they are discordant utterances, so unpleasant like nails on chalkboard, a combination of anguish and dread.

But each instance of arriving at the page and writing whatever asks for expression is still proof of life -- delicate, precious, and valuable. Real, authentic, necessary.

It is an art that I am grateful to contribute to, part of my spirit that I am thankful to vocalize, even if it's to nothing else but the void.

I'm discovering what it means to be me more and more every day, with every post, with every contemplation. There's a difference between self-love and loving who you are and at first they seem the same but the feeling is entirely different.

For whatever reason, one feels like a wellness term, a buzz word to sound like you've really made progress with the help of therapy¹, and the other feels grounding and restorative. Bone-deep and unshakeable.

I think the difference lies in the thinking versus the knowing. The embrace and embodiment of loving oneself instead of the intellectual concept of "I know I should love myself more..."

Maybe it was self-love that tried to convince me to stick to one blog to rule them all -- that having multiple blogs would be too messy, too time-consuming, too much.

Perhaps loving who I am is allowing my natural state to frolic amongst multiple blogs, sprinkling my words and my essence like a flower girl at a wedding ceremony.

Why is it that we overthink and overanalyze? When is it ever the right time to put those worries aside and simply be?

I suppose it's a privilege to be and it's one that I feel guilty for taking. Not when I know my parents and their parents before them have had it so hard, constantly in survival mode.

Not when I begin to learn the horrors my motherland has endured and how it has affected the generations before me.

Not when there is ongoing dis-ease, anger, and unchecked oppressive powers becoming more threatening by the day.

Yet while all those instances are true, so it is true that there must be time for rest. For being, for safety and vulnerability and compassion.

I land in my blogs as if they were soft clouds that would engulf me and cleanse me of any poisonous thoughts, renewing my cells with hope and courage. When I step away from my blog, I am filled with newfound energy and a renewed sense of purpose.

Each blog has its own energetic signature, leaving me with more courage and inspiration on one, or encouraging my creative inner child in another. Sometimes even giving the green light to my wacky, unpredictable treasure goblin personality, or bouncing off the walls with hard to follow ramblings.

I love visiting all these parts of me. And I can't tell you why but having multiple blogs just pulls those parts of me out more than just having one blog.

A blessing and a curse, then?

I guess part of loving yourself is accepting that some parts of you are here to stay.

Thanks for being here.

Sincerely,

Nadine ♥