seeking simplicity & belonging
The allure of Bear Blog was too strong - as soon as I came across it, looked at several blogs, read Herman's manifesto for Bear Blog, and I knew that I had to sign up and try it out for myself.
I really wanted to find a place that was just for me and my personal expression, not tied to any expectations, platforms, and the urgency of content creation.
Being 30 years old, I've had a good chunk of time spent on the internet, experiencing BlogSpot, Xanga, Neopets, GaiaOnline, Dark Age of Camelot, MySpace, World of Warcraft, Tumblr, etc., etc., etc.
The internet started off as a free-spirited playground, where you were encouraged to have fun and explore the creative possibilities, but in its time has now twisted into a fast-paced, streamlined, "get in your lane or get left behind" hustle funnel.
Major platforms deploy algorithms and reward users for their ability to play well with it, and I have been burnt out many times trying to keep up. So, I have decided that I need to take time off of the mainstream media to really wean myself off of the never-ending cycle of creation and consumption.
I realize that Instagram has been heavily decaying my creative mindset, often times inserting overwhelming static, leading to me feeling dissociative and disembodied; worried about how my content and my intention was coming off and if it was performing well to the people that I cared about.
In writing this, I realize how dystopian it all feels, creating content to cater to an "avatar" of a person, a target audience, instead of connecting with a human being in a more intimate, natural way.
Really, I resonated with Herman's declaration of My garden is my product.
In similar spirit, I want to putter about in the gardens of my writings, my art, and all my offerings. I have this deep desire to BE connected with my work, to share it proudly, and with sincere hope that it helps others in their own process and emotions.
Because everything is relational, and if I feel a certain way or have an urge or compulsion, the chances are there are at least a handful of people who have the exact same seed within them.
I did start up a blog/newsletter thing on the Ghost.org platform a year ago, however, I have felt entirely intimidated with it, feeling the perfection paralysis rearing its ugly head at me.
Perhaps I was still transitioning into who I am becoming today, and thus I was still underbaked, unsure of why I wanted to start that blog in the first place.
With the aid of time comes clarity, my direction for why I want to write and create is unfolding into wanting to share my heart & meet others hearts with curiosity and respect - something my inner child would be proud of.
And if I'm not doing it for my inner child, then who am I doing it for?
As a kid, I couldn't wait to be older, precisely so I could create, read, and do as I please without any parental authority telling me otherwise.
So rules and algorithms be damned, I'm ready to start shaking up my relationship with mainstream platforms. I am beginning my return to a slower, more intentional & creative relationship with the digital world.
One post at a time and one creative act at a time.
Thanks for being here. ♥︎