letting go of writing expectations
I have been enjoying my rabbit hole of Bear Blogs, finding links to blogs and interesting writers that I would've never been exposed to if it weren't for this community.
While I am writing mostly for myself, I find comfort by being in close proximity to fellow writers who are doing their craft in such a relatable way.
As I am acquainting myself to how people approach writing and what matters to them, it's starting to dawn on me that I gave a fuck about too many things that weren't mine to give a fuck to.
I have been drowning myself in expectations on what my writing should be about and if it was cohesive enough to be relatable. Was it monetizable down the road? How do I optimize this, that which hasn't been born yet?
This is what I mean by these things weren't mine to give a fuck to. I do not dictate the spirit of what comes out of me through writing. Instead, I must coax it out, prove that I am its friend, earn its trust and learn its rhythm so that we may write in unison.
In short: I was so worried about the future tense, I neglected what even wanted to be expressed and written about in the first place.
A fool's error - to demand exponential growth with forceful effort instead of nurturing what is already planted within with curiosity and commitment.
Now, I do acknowledge that there are systemic issues at play here along with my own shortcomings. The ever-creeping need to produce money to survive can drastically influence how we approach our work and hobbies. There are further commentaries I'd like to get into in how I am yearning to decolonize my mind, my practices, and my way of living.
As a Filipina, second-generation in America, I have a lot of interest in this particular topic along with learning about my ancestral roots, but I'll explore that further in upcoming posts.
For now, I humbly concede to approaching my practice of writing in a more honest, forgiving, and authentic manner.
That is something that I can, respectfully and rightfully, give a fuck about.