just keep swimming

23 Apr, 2025

How do I begin today's blog post? I wrote a rather lengthy post over on Pagecord today and I'm wondering if I want to squeeze one out here on Bearblog, too.

Pathetic or wild as it may be, I'm juggling three daily blogs now. I imagine I'm going to condense into one blog, eventually calling that one blog my home, my sanctuary. I'm starting to lean towards my Pika blog as my primary, the text editor is just so pleasant to look at and it also accepts Markdown (like Bearblog) which I'm used to thanks to Obsidian.

Juggling three daily blogs won't be sustainable long term, and even daily blogging might be starting to wear down at me. I could just be having a tough day mentally, because in previous days I have enthused about daily blogging and wanting to do it forever. I recognize though, in these daily blogging efforts, I haven't given myself time to ponder on longer pieces or to work on writing something more polished.

I tell myself that's okay, I'm currently in the stage of 'stream of consciousness' posting. Once the creative urge to set out on a more dedicated writing project appears, I'll go pursue that full speed ahead.

I considered poetry, or a short story, or even an analysis of The Last of Us Season 2 so far (I played the games originally and now watching the HBO show like many of us, I was blown away with the scale and emotion they managed to accomplish for the second episode). Part of me also wonders if 'daily blogging' and pushing quantity is now becoming an excuse for not spending more time into writing things that may have more depth.

As a promise to learning in public and being vulnerable, I'm attempting to share my shortcomings, my shadows, fears, and unconscious patterns, so that I may recognize them, integrate them, and progress forward more holistically.

It's one thing to see someone struggle, but another to see them come out of that struggle more refined, more wise, and more confident. I sure hope that this is me in the near future.

I remind myself that I must practice patience, which is something I've always been short on¹. This is my chance to grow friendly with it, to be slow and methodical, to be mindful and intentional. I'd like to think I was already this way, but no, the more self-reflection I practice, the more clear it is that I am still so ignorant and unaware.

In this moment, I give myself a hug. This is an okay point to be at, too, because it is part of the process. In fact, every stage of life is totally okay and fine. It might not feel like it, but if we take a step back and detach from our big feelings, everything simply just is. That's just the way life is sometimes, and sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Memento mori -- to remember we must die. Savashana - corpse pose, the sacred death ; a practice in honoring that we, too, will unite with death and leave this body. I'm trying not to get too worked up about it and surrender/accept the conditions of the now, not letting a sense of 'lack' tear me down or lose sight of gratitude for the life I currently have.

Just keep swimming

Thanks for being here.

Sincerely,

Nadine ♥