i'm on a boat — tarot, take the wheel
After writing all nobly about resisting rabbit holes yesterday, guess what?
I went down all the Indie Web rabbit holes, discovering new bloggers and new blog platforms alike. During my spelunking, I felt that information overload I was trying to prevent yesterday: Should I consolidate my blog onto one platform? Should I get an omg.lol? Should I get on micro.blog?
I really want to set up and find a home for my blog that I can be proud of. Eventually, I want to be able to share this to my friends, have it linked on my social pages, etc., but if I'm so interested in discovering new options, am I really all that committed to Bear?
Herman, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. It's not personal. I just have my quirks and Bear might not fully get me.
See? Even contemplating a hypothetical circumstance where Herman himself is reading my blog slop makes me guilty in even considering other options.
After all, today marks Day 29 of my daily blogging efforts with Bear. I haven't set an official goal to do the 100 Day Writing Challenge, although that feels like the bare minimum1 I should aim for at this point.
Blogging + Tarot = ?
All this back and forth of 'to be or not to be', I reminded myself that I should get back to my personal practices that help restore my sanity.
There is a reason why I find great comfort and resolve in reading tarot: it helps me receive a form of external2 feedback where I can then completely reject, accept, or counter the advice or most 'likely' outcomes.
I thought it would be good practice to start writing my readings publicly, to show how I interact with tarot on a personal level. Maybe one day I'll be able to offer written tarot readings (as I currently offer live video calls and audio recordings3).
But let's not put the cart before the horse. First, I must practice and find my competence and confidence in writing my own personal tarot and divination interpretations.
With everything that's being going on in my personal life, I admit I have been reluctant to practice tarot for my own personal support. When holding space and reading for others, I'm focused and locked in. Yet when I'm going through a lot of personal turbulence, reading for myself can be daunting.
A tarot card pull for my woes
When thinking about my current conundrums, I asked my Legendarium tarot cards for advice and received the Six of Swords - Drakkar.
This section from the guidebook felt reassuring4.
Meditation:
I am not running away but seeking my rightful place in life. I explore the world and discover more about myself within it.
Yes, I may be going a little bonkers, questioning left from right, in constant research of the Indie Web and what it has to offer, but that's not inherently a bad thing.
When viewing this experience with the Six of Swords as guidance, it strikes me as a reminder that I've left a bad scenario (social medias and its path towards enshittification) and am applying due diligence to find a more suitable place of belonging.
Of course I may have some hesitations about staying on Bear or Pika forever, but I'm determined to find both a digital home and virtual gathering spaces that truly support my wellbeing, creative expression, and spiritual journey.
It's natural to need time to trust the Internet again, Small Web / Indie Web included. After all, when trauma occurs — like a child being bitten by a dog — the fear often extends to all dogs, not just the specific one that caused harm.
With that, maybe these rabbit holes of mine are just gathering evidence that this new5 reform of Tiny Web will be a worth-while effort to invest in. One that I can feel excited about and participate in with full faith.
Row your boat until you find your shore
So yes, Nadine, allow yourself a little exploring. Explore to your heart's content! As the card lovingly declares: you are seeking your rightful place in life.6
If I haven't found a Good Enough place yet, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It just means I have to keep searching, or maybe have the courage to build it myself7.
Plus, all this exploration may serve a greater purpose beyond just finding my own digital home. The research I'm gathering could become a nifty resource guide for others fleeing mainstream socials. Perhaps I'll compile my findings to help friends with similar dilemmas. Who knows? These rabbit holes might just lead to something unexpectedly meaningful.
...
For anyone who is in between, in the middle of a transition of some sort, here is the advice from the Six of Swords:
Leave the past behind and be ready for change; discover new lands. If you don't see new, beautiful shores from here, it doesn't mean they don't exist. Just believe and row!
Thanks for being here.
Sincerely,
Nadine ♥
I absolutely love daily blogging. I want to do it forever and ever. Is that possible? Only time will tell. Also, look at me! I figured out how to use footnotes.↩
External to me is an opinion, as I'm sure people would question it being an entirely internal process.↩
I have shifted to a pay-what-you-can/want sliding scale?? So while people still book with that link, a lot of my recent bookings have been conducted via email.↩
Similar to how I felt when I found a fortune cookie when cleaning my altar space. It read: "You don't become a failure until you're satisfied becoming one". Wow, I'm really going overboard with these footnotes, aren't I?↩
I wrestled with using the word 'new', because it's a bit nuanced between bridging the old ways of the Internet with modern technology. Also, if you can't tell, I have a hard time deciding the most appropriate term I should be using. Web revival, Small Web, Tiny Web, Indie Web, etc. Can someone please let me know which one is most relevant based on my encounters? Thanks.↩
That might silly, assigning such a serious notion of 'rightful place in life' to where one might dwell and frequent online. But alas, I am an online beast. I am just much more comfortable here, unfortunately. With chronic illness, the digital world is much more reliable. I would love to attend more in-person gatherings if my body could handle it.↩
I don't know how I would tackle a task like that. I admire Herman and every indie developer who has just gone and built the damn thing because it didn't exist and it deserves to exist. This appreciation extends to creators, artists, writers, thinkers, etc. I just haven't paid attention to Indie Devs this closely and you are all so inspiring.↩