i love yin yoga
I returned to my Yin Yoga practice today.
Connecting in community, even as simple as sharing space in a room, while stretching, breathing, and holding your body into various shapes, is calming. Reassuring. Relieving.
There are potentially a million different reasons that led each person to the class tonight, yet it matters not. What matters is in the being there. It is all of us showing up, dedicating this time to our intentions in silence together. The collective re-igniting and doubling down on the importance of movement, of slowing down, of meditating, of relationship with self and others — this is how we walk back to wholeness.
There are no words that need to be spoken when I arrive on my mat. My thoughts disperse like cockroaches caught in the light, scattering into unseeable corners while my presence turns on and locks into the moment. All I'm left with is me and my breath.
Dancing with myself
As the teacher instructs the next transition, I notice that I'm dancing with myself. Commanding my limbs to shift to the left, flexing my muscles to keep steady, lengthening my exhales to match my inhales. It feels sacred. It feels powerful. It feels like me.
(It was so faint I nearly missed it — that terrifyingly powerful being within stirred, just for a moment, as if it was announcing itself with a gentle, "Why, hello again.")
In the stillness, I offer a nod to Myself, a recognition of Me by me. The truth is I can always return to this state of being. Empowered, embodied, and eternal. Trying to describe this state is tricky, but I sense it is sacred. I come to realize it is Divine. I toy with the idea that this is accessible to anyone willing to accept the uncomfortable process of change.
How do I keep showing up for myself?
Now the question at hand is not, "Can I do it?" The question becomes, "how can I continue doing it, day in and day out, with discipline, devotion, and commitment?"
How can I show up for me, every day, even when I don't want to? Even when it feels too hard? Impossible, even?
An excerpt from this post, sparked some insight:
कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।
मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि॥
You have the right to work only but never to its fruits. Let not the fruits of action be your motive, nor let your attachment be to inaction.
Taken into further reflections:
Do your duty, but do not concern yourself with the results. We have the right to do our duty, but the results are not dependent only upon our efforts. A number of factors come into play in determining the results—our efforts, destiny (our past karmas), the will of God, the efforts of others, the cumulative karmas of the people involved, the place and situation (a matter of luck), etc. Now if we become anxious for results, we will experience anxiety whenever they are not according to our expectations. So Shree Krishna advises Arjun to give up concern for the results and instead focus solely on doing a good job. The fact is that when we are unconcerned about the results, we are able to focus entirely on our efforts, and the result is even better than before.
It is wise to consider that showing up for myself in this nature may not always lead to profound epiphanies. I must not be discouraged when the sacredness and Divine are reported missing in action. The only guarantee, which I must keep in mind, is that the results may vary.
I accept my duty to myself and to my craft
What matters is in the showing up, that is my duty in this instance. I'm building more trust and confidence in myself by showing up in this blog, for example. Writing and posting day in and day out, not because I believe that everything I write will be a hit — no, my drive is driven by something else entirely.
Deep within my heart, the cavern of my soul, I know I must write. Every day. It matters not what comes after the posting, whether my writings inspires change or floats along unnoticed isn't the point. There is another type of fulfillment, a soul-nourishing one, where my cup becomes fuller after showing up each day to write. To post. To share. To release into the ether.
Would I be lying if I said I didn't want anything externally rewarding to come out of this? Absolutely. I still have hopes and dreams, after all. Writing and creating as a sustainable form of income would be thrilling, magickal, a dream come true.
Not Attached to Outcome or NATO
But alas, I return back to the earlier reflections, suggesting to not become attached to the outcome. It is my duty to write, to create, to show up. And that is how I will be able to do what I want to do, on my own terms, and as often as I'd like. By committing to that duty, I will keep restoring my fullness when life and stress deplete me.
When I view my work to reclaiming my sense of self, to returning to wholeness, to writing and creating authentically, as a duty instead of a seemingly impossible knot to untangle, I become focused. Purposeful. Sharpened.
It is now, with clarity, can I move with more agility, more finesse, as I know the direction I must go — towards fulfilling my duty instead of procrastinating and questioning it.
The difference lies in either becoming overwhelmed by the mess of self, all tangled up in knots and feeling at my wit's end — or accepting these tangles with faith, knowing that I will find a method, system, and support to unravel this formidable yet conquerable challenge.
There is something about yoga that unites me back to sanity.
Thanks for reading.
Sincerely,
Nadine ♥