call me khalessi
Today, I feel strong. Powerful. Dangerous, even.
That terrifyingly powerful being within is stirring, and she's angry, she's pissed, she seeks blood and vengeance. There is rage and destruction coursing through her veins.
What inspires me to say all this? It doesn't feel very zen-like of me, as I like to think I'm more of a pacifist homebody. Well, during tonight's Yin Yoga session, I settled into Dragon Pose feeling an emotion I'm not too familiar with. At least, something I'm not familiar with expressing out loud.
Its name might be outrage, fury, an anger that cannot be quenched.
They say emotion is just energy in motion — and boy, unstucking the tightness in my hips let those emotions come right through. Uncharacteristically for me, I felt royally pissed off.
Paired with my Ujjayi breath, I became a dragon incarnate — hot steam blowing out of my nostrils, a devastating flame tickling the back of my throat, ready to erupt and incinerate everything in its path.
Call me Khalessi, bitch. I was about to burn everything down in order to reclaim my rightful place on the Iron Throne.
Suddenly, the years of suppressing all my anger, madness, frustration, came breaking through, and god, this passionate rage had all my senses on edge. Yin Yoga is supposed to be restorative, calming, soothing, and yet I was trying not to see red. Trying not to let this primordial power overwhelm my teeny, 5 foot tall human body.
Oh, that terrifyingly powerful beast within wants blood.
The word that flashed in my mind when I was holding Dragon Pose was "eviscerate". Colors started forming1, swirls of red and orange flowing and flickering around me like a flame dancing to and fro. I couldn't help feeling a bit like Jinx talking to the beast within, and the beast attempting to take over, mirror crackling noises and all.
What did the beast say to me?
I'm tired of seeing you pretend to be small.
I understand why you caged me away, but the time for being fragile and scared is over.
Release me. Let's get loud. Let yourself be truly known.
This inner dialogue kept up a bit, and I felt diabolical.
Like a genius.
Or just on the brink of crazy.
...
I used to really care about being misunderstood. And maybe I'll start caring again after I publish this post. But tapping into that power within, I realize it's not my issue to correct any misconceptions of me.
My issue at hand, and my real purpose in blogging, is to understand me. To present as myself and to learn how to do so more authentically each day. If you happen to be curious and willing to join the journey, then by all means, welcome. Please remain seated and keep all extremities inside the vehicle at all times!
It's about to get wildly unpredictable, but isn't uncertainty quite exciting? Exhilarating? Oh, nothing beats the freedom of feeling alive.
Thanks for being here.
Sincerely,
Nadine ♥
P.S. I have received my first few emails from my blogging and vlogging adventures. Now imagine me literally jumping up and down, like REAL JOYOUS JUMPING, squeeing in excitement and everything. That is how much I love receiving your emails. I will be getting back to them most likely tomorrow, as today is pretty much over. Thank you for reading my silly blog and witnessing me on video. More to come soon!
Please don't hesitate to email me if you'd like to share your own blog and stories. Sending love!
I typically practice asana with my eyes closed. It allows me to 'see' more. Many of my spiritual practices, like tarot, sound healing, meditation, prayers, are also conducted with my eyes closed. I tend to sense so much more when sight is removed from the equation.↩