a deep boned tired
I can happily report that I am on Day 12 of The Artist's Way, keeping up with my morning pages, although I still need to go on Week 2's artist date.
I'm honestly very, very tired though. Writing in these morning pages is revealing how truly exhausted I am and that trying to hold onto some semblance of daily practice is rewarding, but I really just need rest. I don't even know what the point of me typing up on this blog is right now besides I'm tired and I need to rest but I need help giving myself permission to rest.
Why does my mind do this to do me, keep my body hostage and attempt to force productivity in order to fight back against the sense of free falling, being eaten alive, or drowning.
I feel like in a constant state of survival, and I hate that. I can't lie that money would help lessen this fear, but also I know that wouldn't be the entire truth.
Every day, being alive feels like work. Being present and paying attention and carrying out one step to another. I am exhausted. I am going to lay down and give up. I can't do this. But I want to do this. I want to live life. I want to experience the vision I set out for myself and continue creating art and whatnot while I still can.
But gosh this is a deep bone tired and I guess I just needed to whine about it.
P.S. immediately after writing this, I napped and now I feel much better. Go nap if you need, human friend.
Thanks for being here,
Nadine ♥